Strong (Tris Centric)

Summary: Tris thinks she's finally learned what it truly means to be brave. Alternate ending for Allegiant. 

A/N - From here on out, there are exceedingly dangerous spoilers for the ending of Allegiant. Also, I don't own the Divergent Trilogy - Veronica Roth has that pleasure. Thanks for reading!

*To avoid confusion, all lines taken directly from the book are italicized as to avoid plagiarism. This is also entirely in Tris' viewpoint.*

"The question is," Matthew says, "is this something we're willing to sacrifice a life for?"

"Who would be willing to make that sacrifice?" Christina sighs. I purse my lips, but I don't protest, because she's right. It feels selfish not to volunteer. My hand should be shooting up, saying that I'll go, because I have a chance to survive the serum, but it doesn't. Maybe I'm not as brave as I was trained to be. 

Before I can fully think it through, I notice the eyes in the room shifting from Christina to something else - my brother. "You all want me to," he says when he realizes we're all staring at him. "Think about it. I'm the expendable piece. I should do it."

It sickens me that my first thought is to let him die. 

His posture sags slightly when I don't defend him, just adding the the guilt weighing on my chest. Caleb looks tense, and his eyes are filling with tears, but at the same time he looks relaxed, like he's not afraid of dying. Part of me thinks that he wants this, too; he wants to make up for what he's done. Then again, I've done terrible things. Does that mean I should die, too?

No. I learnt that lesson a long time ago. 

"If I-"

"No." He stops and everyone looks back at me when I finally speak. My throat's dry but I manage to choke out that one word. I want to say more, I want to tell him that he will really die and I won't see him again, but something stops me and I don't. 

"Beatrice," he begins again. My heart beats faster when I hear my full name. "If this works...will you...would it be possible for you to forgive me?"

The answer's not immediate. I'm not sure what's going on, but the way he's looking at me, so innocently, makes me think back to when we were children in Abnegation. It was all so simple back then. Those were the days of Caleb being the strong one, of him knowing his place, of him guiding me. Part of me misses those days. Part of me wonders how it all could've changed, and so quickly. 

Maybe it never really changed.

"Yes," I manage, and that's good enough for everyone else, but it's not good enough for me. 

I still want to know more. I want him to just talk to me before he's gone forever. I open my mouth to say more, but nothing comes out; that tells me enough. 

Caleb now knows how to fire a gun. He now knows how to set off explosives. He now knows how to fight. He now knows almost everything I was ever taught in Dauntless in only a couple days. 

It makes me wonder what I was really learning all that time. 

Now he's standing by a microscope, verifying several facts with Matthew, and I can't help but realize how he's changed. How we've both changed. I know that Caleb's only here to check the plan, to make sure that the sacrifice is for a good reason. Maybe he's secretly hoping to discover a flaw, just so he can back out, but I doubt it.

I snap back to reality as Caleb repeats the activation code for what must be the seventeenth time. I'm confident that he knows it by heart, but still - what if he forgets? What if he trips? What if he can't find the panel of buttons to enter the code on? The silliest questions are going through my head, but it helps to focus on the obscure possibilities, rather on his impeding doom.

Matthew leaves, and I'm alone with Caleb for the first time in a long time. "There was a lot we didn't know about each other," Caleb says after some meaningless conversation and I realize that he's right. There's a lot I still don't know about him. 

"Do you forgive me?"

The question hits me like a freight train. I wasn't expecting it, but then, maybe I was. "Yes," I say honestly. "I think I do."

He nods, like it's a casual thing, but I can see his shoulders roll a bit and relax. We talk a bit more and it feels good but it feels terrible before I hear, "Commence emergency lock down procedure," coming from the loudspeaker, and my heart drops like a stone. "Until five o'clock a.m," the announcement adds. 

Matthew runs into the room and I jump up from where I was sitting, as does Caleb. He's swearing repeatedly and I'm almost doing the same. "Is this like an attack drill?" I say loudly, trying to get his attention. 

"We have to go now," he orders, his eyes wild. He's scared. He's really, really scared. "Security will be increased later."

I share one look with Caleb before I grab my gun. I want to say a true goodbye, but I can't. 

I don't know how. 

Caleb, Matthew and I are moving like mice, but we're surrounded by cats. People are everywhere, trying to get somewhere safe for the lock down. We act like we're doing just that, but security is already increasing and I know we'll be called out sooner or later. 

"Why hasn't Cara gotten the lights off yet?" Caleb hisses, and I realize he's right. I was so distracted by the security I didn't notice her part of the plan has gone unfulfilled. 

"Something has to have happened to her," Matthew guesses, but he looks as clueless as I feel. 

I feel the heavy gun digging into my back from under my shirt, and I stop them, an idea forming in my head. "We'll have to split up if we can't get away undiscovered. Matthew, you'll have to cause a diversion, while Caleb and I go to the lab."

"What kind of diversion?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "Use your imagination." He hesitates, but I give him a look and he takes his gun out. Caleb and I quickly turn away and walk down the hallway, trying to act like we still belong. A sharp bang sounds behind us and someone yells. I take this as our chance and grab Caleb's arm and we run down the hallway. 

I can see the lab. It's a good thing, too, because Caleb's clearly running out of breath - Dauntless did do one good thing for me - but I hear a loud "Stop! Stop or we'll shoot!" behind us, and we have to stop. The guards have found us before we could make it. 

And I know my resolve has failed as well. 

I can't let this happen. This will be the death of me. There's no other reason to it; I just can't. It feels black and white, almost - I'm taking back my move. It feels simple. It is simple. 

"Give me the backpack," I tell Caleb, turning to look at him. His eyes widen when I speak and his immediate reaction is to decline. The backpack has all the explosives in it, and whoever has it will be the one who dies. 

I can't let it be him. 

"Put down your weapon!" The guard screams, but we don't answer. 

"Tris-"

"Caleb," I interrupt, but my tone is soft. "Caleb, give me the backpack. Please. There's no chance if you go in there - but there is for me."

"But, Tris-"

"I will shoot you," I say, and I stifle a sob when I see the panic and fear in his eyes. He knows I'm not kidding. 

He gives me the backpack. Not out of fear; out of hope. 

"This is my hostage!" I yell so the guards will hear me, and so they won't harm Caleb when they catch him. "Get down on the floor!" Caleb does, acting his part, but it's a small movement and I can tell he's already regretting his decision. 

"If I don't survive," I say, "Tell Tobias I didn't want to leave him."

I take a sharp inhale and fire blindly behind me and then run as fast as I ever have before. 

They're all chasing me, I can tell. I don't know how many, but I already know it's too many. I manage to take out the explosives and detonator from the backpack when I finally reach the doors. I shoot one in the chest and the other in the leg, but the second one keeps moving so I have to kill him. 

It hurts, but I can't let it bother me. 

Instead of focusing on that, I thrust the explosives onto the doors and run back from them, until I press the detonation button and throw my hands over my ears.

Everything keeps ringing and I lose all my senses for a moment. Time is flying and frozen at the same time as shrapnel rains over me, but I don't feel a thing. My skull is going to rocket out of my head at any moment if it keeps vibrating the way it is, but I have to keep moving. My ears are still ringing as I stand, and my knees shake, but I stay on my feet anyway. 

I'm still not prepared as something hits me in my arm and so I scream, my teeth biting down on my lip so hard it starts bleeding. I start moving, my hand the only barrier between the air and the the bullet wound. The guards have caught up with me and they keep shooting but nothing hits me. I manage to escape through the doors I blasted a whole in, but I only see a small antechamber, and another set of doors on the other side that I know leads to the Weapons Lab - my destination.

I hear a quiet spraying sound and I know that the death serum is now active, waiting for me, and I hesitate only a moment before stepping into the hall and turning my fate over to chance.

I'm not done. I'm not done here. There's still more I have to do, more deaths I have to live for...

My bones feel heavy and my muscles tight, like something's squeezing me and won't let go. My breath is scratchy and comes in heaves and gulps, but it's never enough. The small burn from the bullet in my arm turns into a raging fire and I can't stop it and everything feels hopeless but I know it isn't, and that's the worst part...

If this is what the death serum feels like, I know Caleb wouldn't have lasted long, even in a suit.

For a second, I think that this is the end. I'm going to die here, that this is the end. I won't make it to the Weapons Lab. I won't be able to push that button.

But then I'm getting up - I hadn't even realized I was on the ground - and then I'm moving, and I don't know how, but I am. My limbs still feel heavy and I don't know how much longer I can hold out, but I am winning, and that's the important part.

Not even death can beat me.

I make it to the doors of the Weapons Lab. I can feel the substance clinging to me, unable to believe that it could be beaten, but I almost fall into the doors and they slide open, allowing me to enter. My vision clears slightly and my breath comes easily. I still feel sluggish, and not quite together, but I made it. 

Until I realize I am not alone. 

 "How did you survive?" David hisses at me, his gun pointed at my face. It's not the first time someone's done that and I'm not afraid. 

I shake my head, still slightly confused. "I don't know."

"You must've gotten an inoculation," he decides for himself, like he needs a scientific answer to subdue his curiosity. Maybe it's an Erudite-type trait I'm unfamiliar with. "Doesn't matter," he says, his face hardening. "We're here now, aren't we?"

"Why are you here?" I ask. "Did you come here alone? That's not very smart."

"We found your friend, Cara," he says, smiling. "She didn't tell us anything, but I cam here, just in case. And you see, I have a weapon, resistance to the death serum, and you have no way to fight me. There's no way you can survive this."

I'm not focusing on his words. Instead, my eyes travel behind him, to a small black box with a keypad on it. That's my target, but I can't do it now. If I move, he kills me. I can't have that happen when we've come so far. 

I hear footsteps in the hallway outside. Soldiers are coming, probably inoculated against the serum as well. I back up a step, and his finger tenses around the trigger of the gun. 

I hear the footsteps again, but I release that it's only one person coming, and not a whole group. It takes me a moment before I realize what must have happened, what has to have happened, for me to survive. 

If I'm wrong-

I can't be wrong. 

"I didn't come here to steal anything, David."

If those are my last words, I'll never forgive myself. 

Just as the footsteps get closer I lunge towards the keypad, twisting and avoiding the first shot he fires at me. I can hear Caleb repeating the code in my head and my fingers find the right buttons before I feel a wave of pain roll over me and a sharp bang, but I'm not sure where the bullet even hit me. For some reason, it doesn't matter. I see the green button, the one that'll end this, when I hear the gun go off again. 

Nothing hits me and I don't know why, when I realize that it wasn't David's gun. 

My hand slams down on the green button just as my legs give out and I'm falling to the ground, my eyes rolling shut. 

"Tris!"

Someone's calling to me. It's a male voice, one that I know well, but I can't tell who. I think it might be my father. 

"Tris!"

It's not my father. I open my eyes one last time, thinking maybe it's Tobias, but it's not. 

The last face I see before everything goes dark is Caleb's. 

My mother's holding out her hand. This is a dream, I know it's a dream, but it feels like so much more. 

"Hello, Beatrice," she says, smiling. "It's nice to see you again."

"Is this it?" I'm being insensitive, something she always chided me for, but I can't help it. "Is this death?"

"This is where you make your choice," she replies. She's still smiling calmly. If she's calm, maybe death isn't so bad. "You can come with me, or you can stay."

My immediate reaction is that I want to stay. Not just for Tobias, but for Caleb, Christina, Cara, and everybody that I care about. I have a life. I've won, and it's not fair to just die. 

But maybe everything will be better. Maybe it won't feel so dangerous, and I won't be so on edge all of the time, grief stifling my normal feelings. And maybe I'll see everyone that died. 

My mother. My father. Will. Al. Edward. I can almost add Uriah to the list, too. 

The names are countless, and I know then I can't join them. 

I don't want to live. I have to live. 

"I'm sorry," I say to her, but she keeps smiling, like she always knew what I'd say. 

She disappears.

It's dark, suddenly, but bright lights are pressing against my eyelids and something's telling me to open my eyes, to see again. When I can, I do. 

I wake up to Tobias, in the compound hospital room. He laughs when he sees me, a victorious laugh, and his hand squeezes mine. "I knew you'd be okay," he whispers in my ear. "I always knew it."

I just tremble a bit as the happiness rolls over me and I let him hold me close to him. I ignore the pain because he makes it all disappear. My head rests comfortably in his shoulder and I see the tattoos of the three birds on his collarbone before my eyes are forced to close again.

I wake to him again, later, and I know that that's what I want to do for years to come.  

I find out that Caleb saved me that day. When all of the guards left him to pursue me, he followed them, and when they tried to enter the antechamber, he shot them. 

Every single one of them. 

He shot David, too, when he came to the Weapons Lab and carried me out. 

He died then. Even in a suit, he couldn't escape the death serum. But he was brave. And if he could do all that, I wondered what Erudite had really been teaching him all that time. 

It makes me wonder if I should've bothered to go. It sounds silly now, but Caleb died anyway. I didn't make a difference. He saved me, just as I intended to save him. 

I can't change it now. Caleb is dead, and I am alive. Tobias tells me that it is okay, that Caleb wanted to, and that now I can forgive him. The points sound harsh but he's right. 

I can forgive Caleb. I always could.

*Two And A Half Years Later*

I'm scattering Caleb's ashes today. I should've done this a long time ago; I know that's what he would want, but I haven't been able to say goodbye yet. 

Now, I know I have to. 

Tobias stands at my side. He's the only one here. I don't know where everyone else is. Alive, I suppose, and that's what matters. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I take a moment to consider his words. When I don't answer right away, his hand folds itself into mine and I welcome the warmth it brings me. "Yes," I finally say. "He'd want to make something new. This is the best place for it."

Some might think it's an odd choice, but I've taken the urn that holds his ashes to a small garden. Nobody uses it regularly, but someone must be taking care of it, because it's always blooming. I think it's a good spot. It's peaceful, which is what he deserves. 

"Okay." Tobias doesn't say anything else. 

"I never thought I'd be the last one," I confess, though I don't mean to speak out loud. It's true, though; I am the last Prior. That scares me, in a way, that it is up to me to withhold my family's legacy. It never occurred to me that I, a Dauntless, would be the last one standing.

Of course, I'm not Dauntless anymore. The factions are gone now, and we've all reverted to regular city life. It's odd, working in an office situation with Christina, but it's something I can get used to. I arrange for the fringe people to come to the city. It's nice, being able to help people without shooting a gun. That's something Dauntless never taught me, either. 

Tobias doesn't say anything at first; he just squeezes our hands tighter. "I'll be your family now," he promises, and I believe him. 

We stand for a moment, side by side, and I wish we could stay like that forever. 

"Be brave, Tris," he murmurs. 

I nod, a small smile creeping onto my lips, and I throw Caleb's ashes to the wind, and a blanket of peace settles over me. 

Maybe all this time I was wrong. 

I am not selfish. I am not brave. Yet I am not selfless, and I am not cowardly.

I am not broken. I have learned how to mend. 

Tobias has taught me how to mend. 

My hand curls around his and I promise to never let go. 

I am Tris Prior. 

I am strong.