Letters to the Broken (Damien Centric)

Summary: Jack dies, and Damien's not sure how to grieve. He's not sure he can grieve at all, actually.

Day 17

Hi Jack. It's me, Damien. Zoey told me I should write this. She said maybe it'll make everything feel better.

I know better than that. It won't feel better.

It can't, because you're gone.

The car speeds along the road and I see you cross the road to come towards me just too soon, too quickly. The car doesn't stop and it crashes into you, your scream caught in your mouth, my cries heard by all.

And then you die, Jack. And then you die.

Every time I close my eyes, that's what I see. Every…single…time…

I probably could be writing better. But you know, vocabulary and that just doesn't seem to matter anymore, does it? Nothing really does. When you died it made me see just how useless life is. What's the point of living if everyone around you just dies?

I'm sorry, Jack. I could've crossed first. I could've been hit by the car. I should've run across the road, because I knew what was going to happen.

I saw the car. You didn't.

It should've been me…

Day 53

Sorry, Jack. It's been a while.

You know, in my head I think, "I love Jack." But I can never say it out loud. And I've realized it's because I don't love you. I don't love my family. I don't love my friends. I don't love anything.

I don't love.

I feel so numb. I keep waking up, expecting to see you at school. I can't go to Physics class anymore. There's a memorial for you near the classroom and I can't go down that hallway without breaking into tears and I can't be seen like that.

Zoey said that writing these would make everything okay, you know? Make it all better. But it doesn't. Nothing can be better and I…

I wish it was.

Day 182

Been about half a year now what to say.

Don't ever know what to say.

Day 365

Zoey came over today. Found out about me not eating so much. Not sleeping so much.

She asked me why.

She knew why, but she still asked me why.

I didn't want to yell at her so I just told her I didn't want to live so much anymore.

I think she's signed me up for therapy.

Day 372

Yeah. She signed me up for therapy. Didn't go. They'd tell me to "express myself" but how can I do that when I don't feel?

I thought about it and I realized I want to feel. Maybe you're in a better place and you're feeling happiness, Jack. Are you? Can you give me a sign?

I haven't even had a dream about you, Jack. Not even a dream.

I think you know where this is going. I cut myself, Jack. I did. And it made me feel for the first time in a year. I don't regret it.

Think I'm gonna do it again.

Day 541

I don't even know what to say.

Haven't spoken to anyone in a few weeks.

High school's over. Barely graduated. Didn't seem worth it.

Zoey's still around but we've kinda lost touch.

I'd do anything to tell you that I love you, one last time…

Day 730

Two years.

It took this long for me to realize I can't take it.

I just can't.

One word I never got to say to you…I'll say it now, because it still haunts me.

Goodbye.

Day 731

He's finally with you, Jack. He's up there. I know you're together.

You've got to be, for all our sakes.

I love you both.

- Zoey.