Chapter Eight

I can't tell left from right or up from down. It's dark. This isn't the next dimension. This isn't a regular dream, but I'm still dreaming.

"Hope."

And then he's there but I can't see him. Where is he? His voice echoes through my mind but I see no body. "Bläsa," I find myself responding.

"Your name is very unfitting. Don't you realize there isn't any hope left?"

The dark is gone. Instead I see various images, all flashing past at incredible speed, but I make them all out. There's an army of Raze, marching in sync, row upon row. Dani stands at the front with Bläsa as her silhouette, commanding pure evil.

Another is Dani pulling back her arrow and shooting it right at my vision. I see Jonah being impaled by the arrow, dropping to the ground like a rock. Me being surrounded by Raze in Bloomtown, the stench overpowering still.

I see things that haven't happened yet. A sword is driven through Clara's chest and as she drops her eyes glaze over, vacant. Fane is brought down by a Raze, and I lose him as they swarm. Jonah is punctured with multiple arrows this time, his body shaking every time one finds their mark.

And then Dani's standing in front of my vision, her tattoos mesmerizing me. Her black eyes seem to laugh as she brings her arrow back and stabs me in the gut…

"Don't you see?" The dark surrounds me again and I gasp. Fear strikes through me but I don't know why. I have the strangest feeling that Bläsa and I aren't alone. "There's no hope for you. You can't defeat me. Give in now and I might be merciful."

"I…I can't," I stammer. I don't know why I'm so afraid but it feels like the walls are suffocating me and I can't escape.

"Jonah's dying! Save him by giving up. I'm coming, Hope, I'm coming. I know where you're camp is. I'm coming."

"I can't give in!" I yell, pressing my hands over my ear but I can hear him laugh. It hurts my mind and I scream, dropping to my knees. Dani's laugh joins his and I can't think, I can't think…

I begin to shake. I can't control the fear anymore. Something growls behind me and I scream again, falling to the floor. I don't feel any floor beneath me, though. It feels like I'm lying on nothing.

The thing creeps closer and I try to crawl away but I can't. I'm paralyzed to the spot and I want to get away, I need to get away, but I'm trapped.

Just before it swallows me whole the floor falls away and I scream…

As soon as my eyes opened I bolted upright with terror. The horror of the dream still plagued me and I couldn't seem to blink. I was afraid that I if I closed my eyes, Bläsa was going to get me. Maybe it was the shock of everything that had happened to me and the exhaustion finally setting in, but I began to cry.

I hadn't cried in a while. Not even a tear had escaped my eyes for…for months. But everything caught up with me in that moment and I just balled my eyes out.

Finally, I stopped and got control of myself. Wiping my eyes dry, I shakily stood up. My back didn't hurt anymore. I knew the only the Nature Eternal, Clara, could heal mercury…so she must've healed me.

I noticed my surroundings for the first time. I was back in the infirmary. Laughing slightly, I remembered everything that had happened since I woke up here the first time. After trying to sneak out, I'd slapped Clara. Maybe I'd hug her this time.

Then I saw him. His face was ghostly white, and his glasses were gone so I could see his bloodshot eyes. He was shaking slightly, and every so often he'd moan in pain.

I felt like a robot when I walked over to his bed. "Jonah?" I whispered.

He smiled, but it looked forced. "Hi, Hope." His voice was so tight it sounded like his throat was constricting.

I didn't know how to respond. He was dying. It was so blatantly obvious to me, just standing there, that I wasn't sure how I should react. Should I start crying again? Should I be angry? Should I be comforting for him?

Instead, I found myself with none of those. I found myself with nothing.

"I don't have…have long," he whispered, his eyes closing slightly. "I'm going to go soon."

"No," I said. "No, you can't. We need the Mind Eternal."

He laughed slightly, but then ended up with a racking cough. "You'll get another in due time. I've lived over a…a hundred years. I think I…I did pretty well."

I shook my head. "Be like Fane. He's lived for more than four hundred."

"Too lonely."

And just before he fell asleep, Jonah spoke the words of my life. For two hundred years, I'd tried in vain to describe my immortality. I'd tried to find the right words, but in two words he just solved my problem.

I couldn't do it anymore. I let him be.

Clara and Fane were in the meadow, talking to each other in hushed whispers. Feeling a hell of a lot more confident than I did last time, I marched towards them. Compared to before, I felt energy high and full of…dare I say, hope?

But the fact Jonah was dying weighed heavy on my heart. Still, trying to put on a brave face despite everything I'd been through, I approached my friends warily.

Clara saw me first. She turned her head backwards to look at the infirmary building, and then gasped. Her features noticeably brightened and she got up off the ground in a flash. Without bothering to dust herself off she ran over to me and leapt into my arms.

I staggered backwards slightly but I was laughing like a maniac, despite everything.

After she finally got back down onto her feet, Fane piped up, "Uh, hi."

"Hey, Fane," I said, still laughing. Clara dragged me down to the ground and I ended up sitting next to her.

Suddenly, Clara's face grew tight and features went into a frown. "You have to tell us. What happened to you?"

My smile instantly dropped as the memory of the Raze's stench, Bläsa's torturing session, Dani's transformation and Jonah's fatal wound filled my mind. I hadn't realized just how much had happened until that moment, sitting in a peaceful meadow.

It's funny how you don't realize just how bad the bad things were until you're sitting somewhere none of that can happen to you.

I opened my mouth to tell them what happened, as hard as it would be to relive it all, but then the nightmare flooded back to me.

I'd pushed it away, but the darkness…and the thing in the corner…and Bläsa's voice, echoing everywhere…

I couldn't help it. I began to cry again.

Clara and Fane looked shocked. They'd never seen me cry, never. Not even once had I cried here, and now today I'd done it twice.

Clara gave me another hug, and we stayed embraced until my tears dried. Finally, I sat up again, and told them everything.

Their faces changed from horrified when I described the Raze surrounding us, angry when I told them about Bläsa and what he did to us and what he wanted, depressed when I told them about Dani, and totally distressed when I came to Jonah's wound and our escape.

We sat in silence for a while. Finally, Clara said, "How dare she."

I knew she was talking about Dani, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"How dare she," Clara echoed. "After everything we did for her. After all the times we had together. Doesn't she realize Joel died to bring her here? She's so…how do you do something like that so easily?"

I knew how.

"And why?" Clara ranted. "There wasn't any warning. If she was feeling a certain way she should have…I don't know…told us!"

I had a feeling someone should've stopped Clara's rant, but I couldn't object to the truth.

"What's done is done," Fane said, solving my problem.

I nodded. "It's her choice."

Because there's always a choice.

"It's just the three of us, now," Clara sighed, running her fingers through her glossy black hair. Nobody dared say Jonah's name.

"How long?" I got out.

Fane was silent for a while, but he said, "A day at the most."

One new tear escaped my eyes.

Finally I said, "We can't defeat Bläsa. Not like this."

They both said at the same time, "I know."

"We need his ring and we need the Rock, wherever that is. I didn't see him wearing any ring, though, when we were there," I told them. "And we need someone who can combat Dani."

They both stared at me like I was an idiot.

I sighed like they were the idiots. "Not me. Dani's a full on Vessel. She takes her powers directly from Bläsa himself. I'm only a part Vessel. It's why I don't have the tattoos."

"So maybe you should be a full Vessel," Fane suggested. "A few tattoos aren't a problem."

I thought about it for a while, and then said, "Dani was a lot different. And I don't mean personality-wise. She didn't speak. Her irises vanished. I don't know if you guys want me to be like that, much less if I want to be like that."

"But…I hate to say it, Hope, but what if you're our only chance?"

Nobody could reply to that.

"No," Fane finally decided. "No, you shouldn't do it. We don't want that for you."

I nodded, but I wasn't convinced myself. What if I was the only chance?

We sat in silence for a little while longer, before Clara said, "I'm going to visit Jonah."

We nodded and all stood up. He didn't have long left. I shuddered when I realized that he could've been dead right at that moment.

I didn't know what I'd do if I hadn't got a goodbye.

We trudged back to the infirmary in silence. It was a hard thing to willingly go in there – for one, I'd just never liked hospitals. I'd had an unfortunate occurrence with a knife and a very high building (rival gang fights. You do what you got to do) and been taken to a hospital, even though my wounds healed in an instant. It was just before World War II was officially declared, and the hospital was full of people. I've never gotten the memory of the sick and dying out of my brain.

And, of course, I was afraid to see Jonah again.

Clara slowly opened the door and luckily, we saw Jonah's eyes were still open and he was still breathing. Sure, his eyelids were being forced open and he struggled for every breath, but he was alive.

"Hey," he said blearily.

"Hey, Jonah," Clara said, sitting beside him. Fane stood by the foot of the bed and I sat closest to the door.

"Listen…I have minutes," he said, his voice sinking to a whisper. Clara gasped but Fane just nodded like he knew it was coming.

I had a feeling he had something important to tell us, so I asked, "What do you need to say?" I also had a feeling he didn't want to be coddled. He saved my life. He had been my emotional anchor. Without him, I would've killed myself via magic depletion. I owed it to him to do whatever he wanted in his last moments.

"I figured…figured it out," he said hoarsely. "Hope and the Vessel…Vessel thing."

"You mean how she's only part-Vessel?" Clara asked, taking hold of his hand.

He nodded, but even that small action was difficult for him. "If she becomes full…full Vessel, like Dani, you could win."

"Not without you," I argued. "You'll make two Eternals we've lost, and we're nowhere near the turn of the century."

"No, you need Bläsa's ring," he said. "Once you have that, and…and a full Vessel…you just might win."

"Without the ring, Bläsa might be weakened," Fane agreed. "But where's the ring?"

"On his hand," Jonah said, and I supposed that was pretty obvious. "He doesn't wear it all the time, but he gets more power from it. He's…he's coming, and he'll wear it."

Before we could ask him more, Jonah broke into a huge coughing fit.

When it ended, Clara asked, "What do you mean, he's coming?"

Jonah almost laughed. "Dani placed a tracker in the…the arrow. She missed on purpose. I knew…knew it was too easy to escape."

I raised my eyebrows. "Easy? We both almost died." But inside I was cursing myself for being so stupid.

"I will die," he said, still trying not to laugh because it would hurt him.

His eyes started to close.

"Jonah! No, don't go. I still don't know if I should become a full Vessel. I don't want to end up like Dani…"

Jonah gave a weak smile. "Then don't. Follow your heart, Hope. What did you tell me? There's always a choice."

And with those final words, his life slipped away. His eyes grew vacant and the soft rise of his chest stopped.

Clara sobbed. Fane stood, disbelief filling his face.

Me? I snapped.

My anchor had just let me go.

I ran out of the room as fast as my feet could take me.

I found myself in my Séance room. I don't know why I went there, I just did. I began pacing throughout the room, not being able to stop moving. I felt like I had to do something, anything.

Anything not to cry again. Too many tears had fallen today.

There's always a choice.

That's what I'd told Bläsa. Jonah had just repeated it. But did I really have a choice? It was clear Fane and Clara wanted me to become Lêshä's Vessel. But I didn't want to. There it was. I didn't want to be reliant on somebody else, god or not god. Besides, the world wasn't that great a place, so Lêshä had to be doing something wrong.

But yet, it was also clear that Jonah wanted me to do what's right. He didn't say what that was.

So that's all I thought about. Did I "follow my heart" and become one with Lêshä? Or did I trust my brain and stay dependent on just me?

Thing was, if I didn't, we wouldn't have a force capable of standing up to Dani and we would die at her hands. And if I let Lêshä bond with me, we'd have a god on our side. She could battle Bläsa.

Then it would be Clara and Fane against a few thousand Raze.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. The odds didn't work. We needed more support. Who were we going to use, X? I kicked a candle over in anger. Some wax dripped onto the black floor but I didn't care.

Why didn't anyone care what I thought?

And then it was clear.

No one did care what I thought because they were too busy with their own feelings. They didn't realize why I didn't want to be the Vessel and they never would. So be it. If I became an emotionless shell, without speech or proper sight, that was their deal.

I'd fight Dani. I'd just do it with a little help.

Lêshä, I thought. I need to ask you something.

Her voice echoed through my mind. Yes, young one?

I muttered that two hundred and twelve was not young, but then I told her, I need to become your full Vessel. I suppose like Dani.

I detected the terror in her voice. No, no, no. No, that will not do. You cannot be like Dani.

Why not?

She is an embodiment of Darkness itself. She does not feel anymore.

Then let me feel, I countered.

I suppose you would. It is Light's job to feel, not Darkness. But still…is it really what you want? You can't come back from it, you know. You become my Vessel, you will always be my Vessel.

I know. But did I really know?

I almost detected a nod from her. Very well. But this was your wish, not mine.

And before I knew it, everything went white and I was lifted off the ground.

It wasn't like the last time. Before, I'd had some idea where I was and what was happening. This time, it was like a rejuvenating sleep but I saw white instead of black.

I could feel the energy pouring into me, but I didn't mind or pay attention to it. That feeling of bliss seemed to last for an eternity.

Then it was gone, snatched away from me. I fell flat on the ground, but quickly stood up again. The connection to Lêshä was still there, but I didn't have energy constantly filling me. I felt stronger than I had before, though. I just felt better, more clear.

Cautiously, I tried to speak. Sure enough, words flowed from my lips. I was so happy I recited the alphabet, and then did it again backwards.

I could still see in the Séance room, so that meant my Death powers weren't gone, which was another plus. Walking carefully to the bathroom, I stood outside the door for a moment before looking at myself in the mirror.

You couldn't even tell it was the same person. My previously dirty blonde hair was pure golden. It almost looked like it radiated light (or, Light, I should say). My smoky gray eyes were gone – even my pupils were. Instead, they were a golden-hazel sort of colour, pure orbs of energy. I had tattoos, too – a 'V' on one wrist and a 'L' on the other. It was Lěshä's way of marking me, claiming me. I had swirls that matched Dani's exactly, but they were golden and didn't show as clearly on my pale skin.

Lêshä had been generous. She had given me new daggers and knives to replace the ones I'd lost after Bloomtown. They were sharper than regular ones and covered in swirls.

This was it. This was the new Hope Williams. After two hundred years of death wishes, I was bonded to a god.

Time to show Clara and Fane.

Walking out of my floor, I felt a lot more confident than I previously had. Maybe Lêshä was helping me out because she probably understood now just how much I didn't want this. But Bläsa was coming, and we needed his ring. I would be the one to get it, undoubtedly.

At least I could talk.

Clara and Fane were in the meadow again, sitting silently. Fane was slowly edging his hand closer to Clara's, and I had a feeling he thought Clara was more than just a friend; but from a girl's perspective, having a guy show his romantic side after you've suffered a loss is not a good practice. Nevertheless, I hoped it worked out for them.

I didn't know how to attract their attention, but I didn't have to. Clara saw me and jumped up, as if I'd frightened her. Fane edged his hand back away again, all romantic pretenses forgotten.

"Hope?" she asked, nervousness lacing her voice. Was I scaring her? "Hope, are you okay?"

I looked at her like I'm an idiot. "I turn into a powerful Vessel with a goal to crush a god and the first thing you ask is if I'm okay?" Sarcasm filled my tone and she smiled, probably for only the second time today.

"You can talk!" she yelped gleefully, giving me another hug. Fane looked relieved as well.

"Luckily," I said. "Turns out that's only Dani."

Fane raised his eyebrows. "I'm talking from a boy's view, okay? Just saying, you look sexy right now."

That was no way to try to start a relationship with Clara. "Thanks," I said playfully, but I decided to test out my powers and I told him, But do give the compliments like that to her. She could use them right now…in his mind.

From his surprised expression, it worked. To his credit, he composed himself quickly and Clara was too focused studying my new tattoos to notice.

"They're pretty," she remarked casually, as if we were discussing something simple like tea.

"So what happens now?" Fane asked. "What do we do?"

Clara and I looked at each other, and although we didn't talk (not even in our minds) a lot of information passed between us.

I turned back to Fane. "We bury Jonah. And then we wait for Blasa to come."