Broken (Al Centric)

Summary: Al comes to terms with what he's done and decides what he's going to do about it.

Al didn't want to die. He wanted to see her face again.

But she didn't want to see his.

This he understood. Did he? Yes, he did, even if he didn't want to admit it. What had he done? Peter had convinced him to do the worst act of his life, all because of…what, jealousy? What kind of reason was that?

The chasm thundered below him, as if beckoning. What was he doing, standing out by the railing? Why was he here?

Memories flashed before his eyes. First seeing the chasm when he arrived at the Dauntless compound. Even then, she looked beautiful. Christina hung here, forced by Eric. Also, this is where he'd done it.

Where he'd done the unforgiveable.

When he'd asked her for forgiveness, he had the picture in his mind of her being a quaint, Abnegation girl that saw the best in people. The one who understood pain that he was going through, the one who'd help him out of the sorry mess he was in.

But she'd changed. Initiation changed them both, him for the worst. A month ago he'd never dreamed of doing anything bad. He didn't know what had come over her, why she'd even threatened to kill him if he came near her again…but he understood now. He screwed up.

Would she really kill him if he tried talking to her again? She'd been through a lot, shown all her fears…and hell, he had too. She'd overcome them. She'd been strong, getting through the simulations.

And he still couldn't even say her name.

It gave him chills because he still loved her. He still cared, even if she hated him. Al wanted to change everything that had happened, he wanted all the pain to go away. He'd even give up Dauntless if it meant being with her.

He was no time traveler.

He couldn't fix his mistakes.

And as all these thoughts rushed at him at once, only one of them towered above the rest, swaying his decision firmly.

He was a coward.

She was damn brave. He was a weakling.

He couldn't see her face again. If he did, what would he say? "I'm so sorry I tried to kill you, please done kill me?" Besides, she like Four, didn't she? It was so obvious…god. He hated Four now.

And so he made up his mind. He was a coward. He knew this. He knew that nothing he did would make it better. He wasn't going to make it through initiation, anyways. What was the point?

He climbed up over the railing, until he stood on it, until he loomed above the rocky abyss below. Did he want to end it this way? Yes, he did.

He wanted it over now.

The pain was too much for any sane being to bear. But he wasn't sane anymore, was he? He was totally insane. Should that make it easier? Somehow, it didn't.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled, trying to appease his own guilt.

He took a breath.

He gazed fondly around the area he was in.

He blinked away the tears.

He shoved away the doubts.

He ignored the fear.

He tried not to fall apart.

He jumped.

Tris.

If only she could see him now.

Tris, I'm so sorry.

Falling took eternity. He was holding himself together, trying not to break. Nothing could break him now. Nothing, right?

Tris!

His body hit the rocks.

He broke.